ROAD TRIP !!!

So we're off on our first proper Journey around Nigeria. Rather than escaping Africa like so many others do for their holidays (and I don't blame them), we thought that we should at least take one chance to look around this place and make sure that not everywhere is like Lagos.

We decided to do a big loop up North, heading into Hausa territory. We'd been told that it was a different country up there - even cold in some places - and every local we'd spoken to said that it would be a much better side of Nigeria, well worth doing.

The trip was basically a big loop from the capital Abuja, through the high plateau to Jos, on to the country's only real tourist attraction - a game reserve called yankari - then on to the old Northern capital of Kano (part of the sub-Saharan trade route for over 2000yrs) then back to Abuja through the emirates of Zaria and Kaduna. All up, about 1,500 km.

The first trick was to get Chris to drive the car up to Abuja to meet us so that we wouldn't have to waste two days driving through fairly boring southern Nigeria. That's where it all started...

"I should've know better..." It's one of those statements you make after the little bit of of hope you'd given to someone or something gets snuffed out. In this case it was Nigeria. The Country? The People? I really don't know sometimes... It's like the old adage that if you beat you head against a wall, after a while it just hurts, nothing else.

What would generally be a fairly simple task - driving a car 600km from Lagos to Abuja does, by the mere fact of the cities mentioned, change everything to that distinctly African (certainly Nigerian) grey mess that is life in the richest poor country on the planet.

This was all thanks to the good folk of the Nigerian Police Force - who have yet to actually stop any crime in their 50-something years, whilst perpetrating many themselves (griding the ordinary citizen into the ground, perpetuating the culture of corruption they are supposed to protect against!).

A lone driver in a half decent car either needs to pay a travelling policeman to offer "protection" (while he gets a free ride - mind you plenty of fights have started when a bus carrying one freeloading "protector" refuses to give up another paying seat to more officers of the police or army), or risk the gauntlet of numerous checkpoints along the roads of Nigeria. The reason for their existence? Apparently to cut crime. Well of course, you say. It wouldn't have anything to do with organised (and fully sanctioned) racketeering to raise money for themselves, their superiors and sometimes the local Big Man.

How can a country operate if this is the case? Well, the people get used to it (as should I, I guess) and expect nothing more. You just go along and pay for "protection" from local gangs ("area boys") or local law enforcement,the very people who are supposed to be protecting you in the first place. Mind you, I will say that the average Police officer is both under paid and under trained (resulting in the police not fairing to well in confrontations with armed assailants in recent times, and also resulting in many innocent bystanders being caught in the cross fire). Interestingly, I was once stopped by a traffic cop who refused to believe that a white man had no money to give him (which I didn't). His response was that I should be "prepared" when we are driving, ie I should have money on me at all times to pay the likes of him off when required. I guess you live and learn (though I still don't carry much cash around for obvious reasons...)

However, like anything in life, you can always bargain. $100 down to $5 or $10 for not having a sticker, or a fire extinguisher or some other bloody thing in your car - and 2hrs of your life you'll never get back. [Over Christmas everyone gets a bit desperate - I had a bloke demand money in Lagos once because I didn't have a rubbish bin in the car. "It's a new law" he tells me. I just had to laugh and drive off, someone has to say "no" I'm just glad that in my position I had the power to do it, unlike so many locals who have no choice] Anyway, I guess it's lucky everything works on Africa Time around here - you'll be there when you're there... what more is there? I mean it's only 5 hrs into an 8 hr drive from Lagos to Abuja, right?

Not quite... 10hrs in, engine trouble. All you can do is smile. I guess the silver lining is at they Chris didn't get lost. It explains, in part, why many Nigerians tend not so much to pray for things to go right all the time or long life, just for happiness and peace - that's enough really, no matter where you call home. Luckily Chris made it safely in one piece, just not quite the start he'd hoped for.